Forgiveness

One of my favorite verses during this part of my life is God's promise to us that He "keeps no record of our wrongs..."

Perhaps so dear because our world today can keep track of everything. The world of technology allows us to keep records easily--emails, text and voice mails to name a few. I recently spoke with a friend who was trying to convince me of a wrong and subsequent hurt she had from a friend of hers. She pulled up three emails in sequential order to let me read the written words that had her all fired up. It was a record of wrongs. A record to go back to and justify her hurt feelings. A record that allows us to stay where we are--angry surrounded by real life reminders.

How much I want to be more like the one whose mind is erased with forgiveness---to forgive with no record kept of wrong. To forgive without being able to pull back out of the memory bank "Do you remember when you...."

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres."  

I Cor 13: 4-8

Travel Day

Arrived safely after one crazy day of travel. I don't miss my road warrior days (although I sure miss some of those friends like Christine!)

First time staying in Chicago -- what a beautiful city. Here is the view from my room....the river is at the bottom of the picture--it goes "green" tomorrow for St Paddy's day. How fun to be here!

After checking in, I came up to my room, turned on the TV and watch the last minutes of Lehigh beat Duke. My brackets are completely done! You have to love the underdog to which I chose none....

Luck of the Irish to you!

New Ground

The house for sale sign went up yesterday---it listed on MLS today. I turned up the road tonight and cars were in front of the house--Realtors who had appointments to show the house. I didn't want to disturb that so I drove the car up to the end of the cul-de-sac, turned around and parked in front of my neighbors house. And I watched. And sighed. And watched. Then texted my kids and then watched some more. What were they doing in there and what were they saying about my home?

I stared at the house....the flag that blows in the breeze outside the front door was wrapped around it's pole and caught on the corner of the wood trim. I fought the urge to run across the driveway and fix it. I rationalized my way out of that thinking.... if the people looking at the house were good people they would fix it when they walked out.  Thirty minutes later, they walked out, right past the flag leaving it wrapped around the pole. I don't think I like them as much as I might if they just reached up and freed the flag. Maybe they aren't even Americans. My house is going to be sold to people who could be aliens.  This isn't going well. This isn't my shiniest moment.

Change isn't easy but with it comes resolve. Despite my moments tonight because of unfamiliar territory, there is some peace buried in there. Really.

It really would have helped if they fixed the flag.

The bucket list. We talked about it again yesterday between meetings at work. On mine? Jumping out of a plane (when it's not on fire). Standing underneath an aurora borealis sky. Going to Tanzania to be part of the compassion of those caring for the sick and dying with AIDs.

Living life not to be busy but rather to be worn out in finding ways to trust, believe, be in awe and be humbled.

It's a wonderful life.

Love This Life

I know...I know.........I have heard from some of  you....there has been way too much shadow on the steeple this week!!

I have missed the time of downloading my head and heart to my blog.... I just haven't had a moment to do so. My days and evenings the last few weeks have been filled--getting ready for a weekend of company, a house ready for sale, cooking for a wedding shower and a house full with family and friends and yes, that evil, time-consuming thing called writing papers for school. I know...blah, blah, blah. BLAH!!!

The one thing about being so busy is it has forced me to choose my priorities to make sure I am getting what I need  done. Where and how I spend my time is focused. And  believe it or not, as hard as this is to believe,  I still have some fun squeezed in although in punching at the keyboard now, it sure doesn't look like it.  I am even making myself tired.

So it's time to shake it up a bit from the routine.... I leave Friday for Chicago to attend a week long conference. When I decided to go, I thought, brutal, Chicago in March. The ten-day forecast as of yesterday--7 days of 70 degrees. I will be meeting other healthcare executives and taking the last lap for the qualifications needed for becoming a Fellow in American College of Healthcare Executives. Nestled between all that meeting and learning is a few moments in the spa and a dueling piano bar is on the list......oh, so nice. I'll feel human again with batteries re-charged.

I hope where ever you are this week it is full of spring. The birds in my mornings are singing and the evening air is perfect to sit outside with a glass of wine. (with laptop on my lap and homework getting done)

I love this crazy life.

I Will Wait For You

Tonight I am attending the viewing for Sarah's husband. It is such a shocking loss for her and their children. A shock and void that words of comfort don't fill right now. Friends can only be there and ask God to bring her comfort.

I will see tonight the nurses and physicians that I used to work with ten years ago. The ICU nurses were family--I was fortunate to be one of them. Their kind support encouraged me to take on the management track and soon after,  I became their VP of Nursing. Their kindness as I moved on with my career, meant everything to me.

I don't care how old you are or how much your role takes you away from the bedside, a nurse never forgets the stories of her patients or the stories shared with other nurses. Sarah was one of those people who is such a real part of my stories.

A song I heard right after the news of Ted's death found it's way to my heart. The song, "Save A Place For Me" by Matthew West.  The song's lyrics tell the story of when you lose someone  that you have loved, you yearn for the day to see them again--you would do anything so they didn't have to leave you. You long for where they are and want to ask---could they save a place for you there?

When Billy Graham's wife died he was asked how he was doing without her. He said that he knew Ruth was in heaven in a great big mansion. He hoped that she was saving just one room for him.  Part of his comfort came knowing he would see her--comfort knowing she might be saving a place near her just for him.

As I type, I am thinking how I would like my "room"waiting for me.  Perhaps shared with my sister that I haven't seen or talked to in almost 20 years so we could whisper again in the dark like sister's do before they go to sleep or a place next to my grandmother so that she could hold my hand and stroke my hair. Or the room near my friends who have gone before me who I still miss through the years of life's moments.

"In my Father's house are many rooms. If it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you. And if I go to prepare a place for you, I will come back to take you to be with me so that where I am, you too can be also." 

John 14:2-3

I'll be waiting for you.

My Life It Is A Staging

Joe has been a realtor in Northern Virginia for 20 years.  His conversation shows that. He came to the house Wednesday night to review final details of putting the house on the market. If you haven't done this often, Joe is your guy.  In my list of questions, he answered every one and made me think of a few more.  I know it is just a house but it is 25 years of house to me. Twenty five years of legacy that I need to understand how to separate from before someone else calls it home.

Papers are signed. It will go on the market not this week, but next.  Between now and when the front lawn holds a "For Sale" sign, there is a weekend where family and friends come. A weekend when the house is filled and the now grown up kids who will come to sleep in the rooms where they grew up. Then it will be ready for the sign in the yard. Then it will be ready for strangers to see.

Yesterday was spent  moving furniture and executing the list of suggestions left by the "Stager". It's all about making it neutral and simple was her reminder on the list. Remove the bits of "me" and replace by neutrality. Pillows strategically placed and pictures hung not by my eye but by a level that captures the bubble right in the middle. Really. Who knew?

Good friends and kids have asked how this all feels. Wonderful and sentimental at the same time. Twenty five years ago, this house was chosen for the yard that surrounded it so kids could play and the backyard could be a place where a pool could go. Success. The kids played in that yard until grass would no longer grow. The backyard had the pool where we gathered on hot summer days.  Kids learned to swim and the neighbor kids did too. The house has been exactly what we looked for. A place where love was and where our kids loved to be. This week I ran into a friend of my son's from high school in the hardware store. When he learned the house was going up for sale he said, "Oh no, everyone always loved coming to your house. It was a great place for us to be." I don't think there is a better compliment than that. And now with kids grown it's time to pass it on for someone elses kids who need to play in the yard and learn to swim.

When Joe left that night with signed papers tucked under this arm, he said the house will sell quickly. He might already have a buyer that is looking for a place to raise a family. Perfect.  This is a good place for that.

"I know they said you can't go home again. I just wanted to come back one more time. 

Ma'am, I know you don't know me from Adam, but those hands on the front porch, they're mine." 

The House that Built Me 

-- Miranda Lambert

Unexpected Loss

Today my good friend Sarah lost her husband without warning. A sudden death. A death that has sent ripples of sadness across her family and friends. Two beautiful teenage children now without their Dad.

Sarah, a nurse, was my preceptor many years ago when I first started working in ICU. We became fast friends in sharing our love of Critical Care nursing. Together we both studied for our CCRN exam (Certification Exam in Critical Care Nursing) on a Friday night at the Key Bridge Marriot. The next day,  early that Saturday morning, we drove to Georgetown with our number two pencils and for a few hours filled out bubble sheets and took the exam. Weeks later we learned we both passed and together we felt as kindred sisters wanting to take the world of Critical Care Nursing by the tail.

I remember working so many shifts with Sarah. I remember when she learned she was pregnant. I remember how much she loved her family. How she loved her husband Ted.

Last year she sent out a note to her friends on Facebook asking if anyone knew an available electrician. I connected my son Dan with her husband Ted. Dan worked for several Saturdays pulling wire and changing all-things-that spark on a house they were flipping. Son Dan first met Sarah when he was about 7 years old at an afternoon ICU staff meeting. After the electrical work was done,  Sarah sent me a note thanking me for the job he did. She was so kind about the boy of mine that became a man.

Prayers tonight for those grieving. Prayers for the tremendous void from an unfinished life.

If I should die and leave you here a while, 

be not like others sore undone, 

who keep long vigil by the silent dust. 

For my sake turn again to life and smile, 

nerving thy heart and trembling hand 

to do something to comfort other hearts than thine.

Complete these dear unfinished tasks of mine and I 

perchance may therein comfort you.

Mary Lee Hall

March!!

First day of March. Two months since New Year's resolutions were pondered and two months since I forget what they were. I am awful at that.

Yes, already March!! I can't remember when a year has started out with so many days with the accelerator slammed down to the floor.  I was telling a friend the other day that I have always lived life busy--never wanting to be bored..HOWEVER... 2012 has been a bit of a test for keeping on top of things and staying organized. So to help with the juggling of priorities  in going back to school full time, a son's wedding in June, two grandbabies due this fall,  ohhhhhh, and have I mentioned a house up for sale and moving?  To help with all that life, I have found and want to share what came in the mail yesterday.....it is thee best Planner.

Yep, you can have the planner customized with your name, pictures, colors, patterns.... Underneath my name--a reminder of my goal. DNP. Doctorate of Nursing Practice. The color? Burnt Orange--a "hot" color this spring and seriously, even Daily Planners have to be fashionable.

Oh, sweet moments of organization! It has everything to keep my days in organized chaos. Little pockets to tuck receipts or dry cleaning tickets, stickers to put on dates for birthdays, weddings, babies on the way,  clips to hold papers on a date,  columns that say "To Do" "Goals"......it almost makes me use the word gleeful.

I found this cute planner at www.erincondren.com if your life needs one. And you can creatively design your own too.

I am starting this first day of March....with hope of having more organized chaos and with some fashionable  planner glee. It really is the little things.

Happy Almost Spring!

Grammy

So today the rented dress and bling for the Oscars go back. I didn't go--just had them on hand in case they added a "Best Supporting Mom-Mom" category.  I love the gift of the Grands.