In The Shadow of The Steeple

Our Gifts

2012-02-12T20:28:00.000-05:00

This morning, it is freezing here in State College Pa, finally feeling every bit of February. There is a fresh layer of snow on the ground and flurries are still lingering. The weekend went quickly. Too soon it seems the car is heading back to Virginia where later today I need to take an exam in one of my four classes. Have I mentioned lately how H.A.P.P.Y I am that I am going to school full time and working full time? Aiigghhhh....I will be very happy in 2013 when I am done. Until then, sweet reminder to stop complaining Nance, plow on.

Last night as we sat at dinner, my niece announced the passing of Whitney Houston--a message being passed from the west coast to now on the east via her cell phone. Whitney, a talented and beautiful woman with an amazing voice whose life and it's impact, ending far too quickly. I believe that her gift of music or "great pipes" as the news reported this morning, is not really any different than the gifts each of us have. (I am not saying I can sing!) Our difference from Whitney is our audience, discoverability, ability to impact a large audience. Not so much that her gift was bigger than each of us. Most of our gifts are just different.

I was blessed this week to have a person I work with tell me that I have the gift of encouragement. If I indeed have that gift, can I take that gift to an audience of thousands? Nope. Just the few I hope I call my closest friends, the few more that might read my blog and of course those I call family. What can my or our impact be with those gifts we have been given? I believe they can be life changing to those that cross our lives--even to just that one.

What is your gift{s}? Hospitality? Compassion? Give it, use it, make your impact.

Let your life speak. Loudly.

Love Never Dies

2012-02-11T18:31:00.005-05:00

On this snowy morning, a view of Joe Paterno's home as the car drove by. A Valentine heart graced the door and a sign "We love you JoePa" was driven in the snow to the grass below. A man, his legacy. A love of family in a simple home with the unwritten message. Love still lives there. Love hasn't died.

And then there was basketball. PSU vs Nebraska. The Nittany Lions womped them while we laughed. And cheered. And made hand signals as we called the personal fouls. Nice hand signals. Really.

We are Penn State.

Yes, You Can

2012-02-11T09:47:00.001-05:00

Courage isn't easy but it is a necessary ingredient to get through life. Courage to do what your heart says is the right thing. Courage to be brave. Courage to try.

When we want to break away from our circumstances, break a habit, or try to move towards accomplishing a dream, it takes courage. Courage to knock down the wall of fear that comes in the form of "What if I fail?"

Life is all about goals. Accomplishing comes with baby steps that sometimes stop for a time or get lost but if the dream is worth shooting for, it is worth the temporary failure. It is worth having courage to keep going so fear doesn't win.

For all of my life I wanted to be a nurse. My Mom has a school newspaper clipping from me in the first grade "I want to be a nurse to help people get better." It was a dream and I have been so fortunate to say now, that I accomplished it. But that doesn't mean there weren't bumps along the way. I remember being newly married and graduating five months after my "I do". Taking my boards to take me from a Graduate Nurse to a Registered Nurse, petrified me. I was horrible at taking tests. What if I failed? People would be disappointed in me and I would be so embarrassed. In looking back, if I had failed it would only have been a detour to my dream. It wouldn't have stopped my heart's desire from wanting to be a nurse. It wouldn't cause the dream to die. It would only, after swallowing a whole lot of disappointment, have made me work harder to get there to take the test again. I knew for sure I was called to be a nurse. I knew God in his timing would make sure I got there. Even if there were detours.

The good news of this story is I have now had 31 years of enjoying that dream and goal come true. It wasn't always easy. But I knew I was called.

Do you have something hanging out there that you want to still do or be? Go skydiving? Rocky Mountain climbing? Ride 3.2 seconds on a bull named foo-man-choo?

"Believe that you are destined to do great things"

Joe Paterno

The Heart Of Beauty

2012-02-08T22:12:00.001-05:00

"A person who has good thoughts cannot ever be ugly. You can have a wonky nose and a crooked mouth and a double chin and stick out teeth, but if you have good thoughts they will shine out of your face like sunbeams and you will always look lovely."

This afternoon, as rain and snow hit the hospital window, I sat by a patients bedside and listened. Listened to the story of a life compared to what was. Eyes that only saw through the lens of how the world sees us. Not through the heart that only sees what is good. A heart not able to see the beauty inside of her. Surgery and disease, she said, changed all that.

As I listened, the man she loved, sat by her side. A man who seemed to see no imperfection. He didn't see her as anything but perfect. He couldn't see a scar. He changed her words to the "canvas" his own heart saw before him. The woman who used to dance with him in their kitchen. The woman who gave him two daughters. The woman he held at night and wished to hold again. The love of his life.

Changes in our health, changes in our life circumstances, often change our lens. Like she, we think we may be judged or not loved because of the outward shell no longer beautiful in the ways the world might see us. Two chins instead of one. Grey hair replacing youth. Wrinkles from laugh or worry lines that now stay. A scar where health used to be.

Time for a new picture I thought. An opportunity to change the lens. Through the eyes of love? You will always be beautiful. You will always be safe.

You are loved.

Wednesday

2012-02-08T06:59:00.001-05:00

The middle of the week and its been another busy one. Snow is coming today. Schools have already closed just with the rumor of it? Really?? When I was a kid, we walked 5 miles in it....

My daughter recommended a good book to me this weekend and it came in the mail two days after I ordered it. God must really want me to read it. The book "How to be free from bitterness" by Jim Wilson. I flipped through it before I went to bed last night. There was something about when you know you hold on to bitterness, you remember the details of what someone did that hurt you. A friend used to tell me "You live and die by Nancy's memory." Yikes. There might be a lesson in here for me.

I am off to work to start this day. Today I will work that my happiness shows so much, that someone else, when they look at me, becomes happy too.

Happy Wednesday.

My Valentines

2012-02-06T19:58:00.003-05:00

This past weekend was packed with so much life that it's hard on this Monday night to hit the books. And I need to. I am so behind and my highlighter is just staring at me. So...why don't we blog instead!

So that I don't procrastinate too long...just a few pictures from the weekend celebrating a little bit of Valentines with the most precious little ones, my Grands. Oh, such fun for me!

Our finished decorated heart cookies.....TAA-DAA!!!

We played with angel wings.

And we made life-saver stained glass window sugar cookies.

We cut them out oh-so-carefully.

And we put them on a silver tray to make them look very, really, pretty.

And we loved them. Every one.

Happy Valentines Week,
from my heart
to
yours.

<3!

And Then There Are Six

2012-02-05T12:28:00.002-05:00

Remember this? A beautiful wedding last October. My son and his new wife on their wedding day. A week of amazing memories and the celebration of joy.

Last night, a new picture was given as a gift....a picture announcing a sixth grand-baby is on the way! The left hand picture of the two of them, their hands in a heart with little shoes underneath. The middle picture, a date to get on the calendar--September 6th! The right hand picture showing the first picture of new life...a picture captured on ultrasound. A precious miracle.

A thousand reasons to feel blessed.

One tiny reason especially.

Six Grand-babies!!

Super Bowl Recipe- Seven Layer Nacho Dip

2012-02-03T19:21:00.002-05:00

Sports fanatic? Only like the hilariously creative ads? Waiting to see another halftime costume malfunction? {oh, no, thank you}. Regardless, here is a fun recipe to share with your friends around the flatscreen. My team didn't make the final two but I still have to choose someone to root for. I have to be a fan to one....Who?? Easy. I can't cheer for a coach who wears a hoodie with cut off sleeves. I feel sorry for his Mom. She must cringe....she can't say "Straighten your collar". He doesn't have one. So......Go Giants!
Seven Layer Nacho Dip
1 (1 ounce) package taco seasoning mix
1 (16 ounce) can refried beans
1 (8 ounce) package cream cheese, softened
1 (16 ounce) container sour cream
1 (16 ounce) jar salsa
1 large tomato, chopped
1 green bell pepper, chopped
1 bunch chopped green onions
1 small head iceberg lettuce, shredded
1 (6 ounce) can sliced black olives, drained
2 cups shredded Cheddar cheese

Bag of Nachos--your choice of kind

Directions

In a medium bowl, blend the taco seasoning mix and refried beans. Spread the mixture onto a large serving platter.
Mix the sour cream and cream cheese in a medium bowl. Spread over the refried beans.
Top the layers with salsa. Place a layer of tomato, green bell pepper, green onions and lettuce over the salsa, and top with Cheddar cheese. Garnish with black olives.

The Brush Of Our Artist

2012-02-03T07:10:00.002-05:00

This week I heard a great message and while it was focused on the subject of leadership, it really has a much broader meaning. The message focused on our life in the context of a big picture. From start to end, what starts out blank but at the end, a completely painted canvas. The journey from start to finish for most of us is about 80 years. Often in the journey to the completed canvas, we get stuck. Stuck in circumstances that we didn't plan on or want and at least for a time, those circumstances paralyze us. The messenger put this in context by saying "We lose sight that our lives are made of the big picture and often we can only feel what just stubbed our toe."

This message hit my own heart as a lesson on trust and moving on. If we believe that our lives are owned by God and He holds what should be our bigger picture, then our being stuck on the bad day, the bad choice, the things that come into our lives that we didn't plan, might be preventing the canvas from more beautiful paint that is waiting for us. Time spent looking only in the rear view mirror doesn't allow us to focus on what still is left ahead of us. What still we have to do and need to do well.

This week through conversations with those around me, I realize that life has a lot of "stubbed toes". As painful as those times are, they are part of the canvas of our life that we need to still paint well. They are part of the "big picture". And we need to keep the fresh paint coming. Those brush marks, part of our greater picture.

Valentines Sticky Buns - Recipe #2

2012-01-31T06:16:00.001-05:00

Ingredients

1 teaspoon white sugar
1 (.25 ounce) package active dry yeast
1/2 cup warm water (110 degrees F/45 degrees C)
1/2 cup milk
1/4 cup white sugar
1/4 cup butter
1 teaspoon salt
2 eggs, beaten
4 cups all-purpose flour
3/4 cup butter
3/4 cup brown sugar
1 cup chopped pecans, divided
3/4 cup brown sugar
1 tablespoon ground cinnamon
1/4 cup melted butter

Directions

In a small bowl, dissolve 1 teaspoon sugar and yeast in warm water. Let stand until creamy, about 10 minutes. Warm the milk in a small saucepan until it bubbles, then remove from heat. Mix in 1/4 cup sugar, 1/4 cup butter and salt; stir until melted. Let cool until lukewarm.
In a large bowl, combine the yeast mixture, milk mixture, eggs and 1 1/2 cup flour; stir well to combine. Stir in the remaining flour, 1/2 cup at a time, beating well after each addition. When the dough has pulled together, turn it out onto a lightly floured surface and knead until smooth and elastic, about 8 minutes.
Lightly oil a large bowl, place the dough in the bowl and turn to coat with oil. Cover with a damp cloth and let rise in a warm place until doubled in volume, about 1 hour.
While dough is rising, melt 3/4 cup butter in a small saucepan over medium heat. Stir in 3/4 cup brown sugar, whisking until smooth. Pour into greased 9x13 inch baking pan. Sprinkle bottom of pan with 1/2 cup pecans; set aside. Melt remaining butter; set aside. Combine remaining 3/4 cup brown sugar, 1/2 cup pecans, and cinnamon; set aside.
Turn dough out onto a lightly floured surface, into an 18x14 inch rectangle. Brush with 2 tablespoons melted butter, leaving 1/2 inch border uncovered; sprinkle with brown sugar cinnamon mixture. Starting at each long side, tightly roll up, rolling your way to the middle, having two rolled half meet. With serrated knife, cut into 15 pieces; place cut side down, in prepared pan. Pinch the bottom of the heart to make the bottom point. Cover and let rise for 1 hour or until doubled in volume. Meanwhile, preheat oven to 375 degrees F (190 degrees C).
Bake in preheated oven for 25 to 30 minutes, until golden brown. Let cool in pan for 3 minutes, then invert onto serving platter. Scrape remaining filling from the pan onto the rolls.

Closer Than A Brother

2012-01-30T21:43:00.001-05:00

Did you know that people who are facing life changing events such as a diagnosis of cancer, divorce, loss of a loved one, a significant change in their life do better and live longer if they have strong support around them? What does support look like? It's about our closest family and closest friends.

Family that won't leave your side and friends that won't let you go. They stay by you, no matter how awful things are and no matter how much you try to push them away when you aren't "you". Friends, who when you want to leave or when you aren't a good friend back, stay. They don't let you go. No matter how ugly you are. No matter what.

In a Cancer Care Meeting today I was reminded that survivorship and a more healthy longevity for people who are going through life changing events, can be linked to the presence of loving kindness and forgiveness. The speaker pointed out that some people in our lives are good people but they aren't good at giving us that. They try, but only see what you aren't when you can't be yourself. They only see and feel when you are pushing them away because you aren't the friend you once were. They might say things like "Do you know how your actions make me feel?" "Don't you know what I have gone through when you aren't you?" All that to say, those kind of friends might not be the ones that will help as they can't see outside of their "me". Not because they are bad people. They just don't have the strength to stay by your side. They don't know how to build you up when you are for a time, unloveable.

To be the person God has created us to be, sometimes we need to step away from those that aren't helping us to see past the burden of today. The speaker said that we need perhaps to love them from a place that helps us to better heal. "Part of being wise during tough times is being wise in letting go."

"A real friend walks in and stays when the rest of the world walks out."

W Winchell

Valentine's Recipe #1

2012-01-29T10:44:00.000-05:00

This week starts February and the month where we celebrate Valentines Day!! Do you remember Valentines Day in elementary school? A few days before Valentine's Day, the class would decorate brown paper lunch bags by coloring them with red and pink hearts. When Valentines Day came, the decorated bags were put on the back of our wooden school chairs and we would "deliver" the valentines we brought in from home for each other by putting cards in each decorated paper bag. At the end of the day we took our decorated bag off our chairs and we were able to take them home. Once home, I would open each one to look at it. It felt good to be each other's Valentine.

Here is a fun thing to do for the Valentine's in your life this year. It uses the recipe for "snow-flake"
cookie recipe posted on an earlier blog and instead of snowflakes, use a heart-shaped cookie cutter. If you want you can cut a heart in a heart in before baking, put a couple of red lifesavers in the hole. The lifesavers will melt and form a stained glass middle of the cookie. Beautiful! (Make sure you bake your cookies on parchment paper to avoid sticking.)

Here is the recipe:

INGREDIENTS

4 cups sifted all-purpose flour
1 teaspoon baking powder
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 cup (2 sticks) unsalted butter, room temperature
2 cups granulated sugar
2 large eggs
2 teaspoons pure vanilla extract
Directions
Sift flour, baking powder, and salt into a bowl.
Put butter and sugar in the bowl of an electric mixer fitted with the paddle attachment. Mix on medium speed until pale and fluffy. Mix in eggs and vanilla. Reduce speed to low. Gradually mix in flour mixture. Divide dough in half; flatten each half into a disk. Wrap each in plastic. Refrigerate until firm, at least 1 hour or overnight.
Preheat oven to 325 degrees with racks in upper and lower thirds. Let one disk of dough stand at room temperature just until soft enough to roll, about 10 minutes. Roll out dough between two pieces of plastic wrap to 1/4 inch thick. Remove top layer of plastic wrap. Cut out cookies with a 4-inch one-piece-shaped cookie cutter. To make an ornament, cut out a hole from the center of the neck about 1/4-inch from the edge using a straw. Transfer cookie dough on plastic wrap to a baking sheet. Transfer baking sheet to freezer, freeze until very firm, about 15 minutes. Remove baking sheet from freezer and transfer shapes to baking sheets lined with nonstick baking mats. Roll out scraps, and repeat. Repeat with remaining disk of dough.
4. Bake, switching positions of sheets and rotating halfway through, until edges turn golden, 15 to 18 minutes. Let cool on sheets on wire racks.

Oh The Days Of Our Life

2012-01-28T11:08:00.005-05:00

The weekend. I am grateful for two days of quiet rest. The week has been a crazy mix of stuff from battling surprised raccoons in a trashcan to a week of work that couldn't be tamed. Busy days. I had a busy life this week.

One highlight of the seven days came last night. I was speaking with a friend at our community Chamber of Commerce Gala. I first met Judy when our hospital was just being constructed. Her life had been forever impacted as she cared for a mom with Alzheimer's. Her Mom now gone, her heart is left with an insatiable desire to give back to other daughter's, other families who are helping their parents with this heartbreaking disease. Her passion to help others contagious. My life better from a moment spent catching her spark.

The week had some soul searching moments too. Good ones. Moments that force me to choose where I lean. I choose to lean into the hands of the one who put the stars in the sky. And the one whose hand holds tightly my heart.

Valentines recipe tomorrow....happy Saturday.

2012-01-26T20:13:00.003-05:00

2012-01-26T20:06:00.002-05:00

And....the "bee's" continued today as I wore the bracelet to work..

Bee faithful

Bee organized (thank you Lauren)

Bee Spotsy!

Bee joyful

Bee the one

Bee-lieve

To Bee or not to Bee....

Alright already....

I love the people I work with!

BEE-U-TI-FUL!

2012-01-25T20:00:00.001-05:00

I confess I am perhaps too traditional and sentimental. What others don't look at twice, I treasure. A ticket stub from a first date, a menu, a matchbook. Don't get me wrong--I am not a hoarder--just incredibly sentimental about some few things that have touched my heart.

Most all the jewelry that I own has some type of meaning to me too. A bracelet given on a first Mother's Day. Earrings or a necklace my grandmother wore. A pin that I remember my own Mom wearing sits in my jewelry box where I can see it every day.

Two weeks ago I splurged on a piece of jewelry because it's meaning struck me. The cuff bracelet will be a reminder when I look at it. A reminder of "to be" or in this case "To Bee".

Bee strong.

Bee thankful.

Bee still.

Bee kind.

Bee patient.

Bee courageous.

Bee forgiving.

Bee happy.

Bee grateful.

Bee gentle.

Bee an example.

And some days,

Just bee.

BEE-U-TI-FUL!

Standing Ovation

2012-01-23T19:39:00.000-05:00

This past Saturday was cold and damp and I curled up with four grandkids and three of their friends, surrounded by soft pillows, underneath cozy blankets, watching a movie. The movie they picked was one my daughter had bought to help teach the kids the history of our country. There were scenes of George Washington and Paul Revere, Red Coats and tyranny. There were good parts and scary parts and parts the very little ones didn't quite understand. As I sat in the midst of them, I listened to their chatter "Gracie, does that little boy get hurt?" "Did the bad people catch them?" "Is the ending happy?" "Can we fast forward to get to the good part?" In some scenes, a snuggled close to me Adah covered her ears and shut her eyes and instructed me to let her know when the "most scary" part was over.

As I listened to their little voices, I thought how very similar there curious and sometimes anxious requests were to our own real life--no matter our age. When the "movie" of our life is faced with difficulty or when we are scared, we want to fast forward to get through it quickly. Will we be okay? Will things ever work out? Will we make it to where we want to be? Is the ending of these troubled days a happy one?

If I did what they asked and fast forwarded or told the ending and answered all their questions without letting them just watch to see the story unfold, it wouldn't be much of a lesson for them. Part of the learning is in the listening and watching and patiently waiting to find things out as they are told. So I think it is with our life. We need to get through the scary and bad parts, the parts of the plot we don't understand, even the parts where we question why some people were cast into our lives, all that to get to where we should be. All that to get to the happy ending.

Next time you question where you are in life, remember that God's plan for you is exactly where you are right now. You are cast in His movie to play well a specific part. Like the movie I watched with the kids, our days can't be fast forwarded to get only to the good parts. We can't avoid what scares us. We can't look away and go through life with our eyes closed. We need to play the part He has asked of us well knowing there is a lesson He is trying to teach us. We need to remember that regardless of what surrounds our todays, we were cast with a script that He has written. Our job is to trust the Author. To let the Director use us as He should.

Break a leg!

2012-01-19T22:00:00.001-05:00

A friend of mine frequently teases me about being ridiculous about being organized when it comes to school. It's true. I have to be to stay on top of things while working full time. She sent me the link to a "you are such a nerd blog" and it has made me laugh every time I have read the daily postings. Truth has humor! Here is it's link: http://nerdquirks.tumblr.com/

Nerd or not, I know I have said it and written it before in this blog..... I am so glad I am back in school. Why? Because I am learning. Challenged. Meeting people in my position in a hospital doing things a different way.

A bit of a nerd? Uhhh.....ummmm...Maybe. Pass the red and blue folder please. :)

Get Your EI On

2012-01-17T06:40:00.004-05:00

In one of my doctorate classes we are studying EI or Emotional Intelligence. A topic that fascinates me. EI is defined as "the capacity for recognizing our own feelings and those of others , for motivating ourselves, and for managing emotions well in ourselves and in others."

We often only apply EI to the emotion of the end product--a loud voice, a crying co-worker, an angry email--in today's world we sometimes call this "drama". Not so. EI is really the upfront work that doesn't result in driving emotion in the end product. Behavior that better allows rationale and reasoning. EI that says this is a "Drama-free" zone.

Look around you today--what's your world's EI look like?

DIY Afternoon

2012-01-15T18:31:00.002-05:00

My right brain was working all day on school and my left brain was needing some creativity so I decided to make a scarf. Super easy, took about 2 hours and cost about $5.

Here is the DIY tutorial for any who might want to try! Go for it! It's easy!!

First fabric. I ran to the fabric store and bought felt in three colors--cream, purple (the grandkids!) and blue. The felt was 72"in width and each scarf takes 1/2 yard (you will have some left over). You will also need needle and matching thread, and straight pins.

Below: Cut a 4in wide backing for your scarf, scalloping the edges. I chose to cut mine 42in long but you can cut it any length that looks the best on you--you will have to adjust the number of flowers you make to go on the scarf accordingly. A 42in scarf holds 13 flowers.

Start cutting your circles--for my largest circle, I used a candle lid as a template but do not spend a whole lot of time making perfect circles as the edges will be gathered and scalloped in the finished product.

For each flower, you will need 5 different sizes of cut felt circles. The largest is 5in, the smallest 2in. For the 42in scarf you will need a total of 13 flowers.

Once cut, scallop the edges like the felt circles below.

Assemble the flowers once you have all of the circles cut and scalloped.

Start to sew each flower by bringing a needle through just off center using double thread as you do not want it to break when you are pulling it tight through the felt in order to "pucker" the flower. Leave out the smallest felt circle as you will add this at the end.

Once you have a stitch or two through the middle of the flower, pull it tight and the flower will start to take dimension. Sew through to the other side, pulling tightly with each stitch.

For the center of the flower, fold the smallest felt circle in fourths and place it in the middle of the flower. Bring your threaded needed up through the flower to stitch into place.

Once you have the flowers assembled and stitched, place them on the felted back.

Pin them in place, don't be afraid to overlap! 13 flowers fit nicely on the 42 inches.

With a needle and matching thread, place a few stitches on the last layer of each flower to hold securely onto the 4in felt backing. You can also use fabric glue if you have it!

Taaa-Daaa!

The left brain is happy again!

Sunday--Catching Up

2012-01-15T11:55:00.000-05:00

Sunday! Day of rest and catching up from what was a busy week here in Virginia.

Week one in school I will call on the high end of good. It was all about reading all four Syllabus's (Syllabii??) (Have I told you I am going full time? arrgghh), taking time to write out what I need to stay on track, when assignments are due and reading, reading, reading the assignments made from the textbooks. What is great is I love each of my classes this semester--Leadership in a Complex Organization, Clinical Research Methods, Nurse Executive Leadership and Doctorate of Nursing Practice, Integrative Concepts. It is fun (a stretch) because it is taking what I do every day and putting it into a formal theory and then discussing it with my classmates on virtual discussion board called Blackboard. I know, you want to sign up, right? :) A good week. I have no regrets that I am taking this on. It will only be of value in the years ahead.

Work week was typical of one where I just started going back to school full time. Full of challenges and longer than normal hours but all things good. I once prayed a long time ago that I would never live a life where I am bored. God seemed to answer that prayer in a mighty way this week. Not bored a bit.

The weekend has been spent by a wood fire taking the chill off these January days. Watching some playoff football (wasn't the Saint/49ers game amazing?), watching the crowning of a new Miss America and remembering that I once made a fake crown to put on my head and did the wave in front of childhood mirror pretending I was the one carrying the roses down a red carpeted runway. So fun.

On the schedule for this week? It's party time. A sweet grand-daughter turns one.

Blog Ahead

2012-01-13T16:36:00.001-05:00

In many restaurants today you can call ahead to get on their table wait list so that when you arrive, your table is almost ready for you. This blog today is sort of like that. A "blog ahead". I have written this on Thursday knowing I would be out of pocket for a day or two. Knowing I still might have something to say.

Have you ever been doing the same thing day to day but all of a sudden things just feel different? Or listened to a similar conversation heard over and over and for the first time perhaps you feel like you "get it"? That has been this week. A week of "ahh-haaaa's!" and "Ohhhhhhh's..." and one or two, "I get it now" thoughts. I wish I knew what causes that--why can't or didn't I get it the first or even second time around? Some things that have been pondered in my heart I understand now. Life lessons are learned from it.

Here are a few of my character building moments from this week.

1) You can never assume what someone else is thinking or feeling. In some cases you have no idea. Never assume.
2) There will always be situations worse than your own and the very person who might just look tired, might be covering up a whole lot of what's worse.
3) Life isn't meant ever to be lived one drama event to the next. There is so much more depth to live our life out there just waiting. This week I think I have learned the lesson that some people don't want to live a life like that. They are too comfortable with drama and don't want a day without it.
4) Days, moments, hours are what you decide to make of them. We can spend our whole life calling one day after another "bad". Pretty soon it will add up to life time of them.
5) Some people are just more genuine. Perhaps they care more, I don't know.
6) Who we are, how we act, greatly impacts the life of others. When you are making the decision to be miserable, you are sending out an auto-invitation that lets everyone lean towards being miserable too.
7) It takes strength to put life is perspective and to let go what isn't working.
8) Faithful friends are amazing examples in our life.
9) I am not a good patient. I do a much better job on the other side of the nurses desk.
10) Competition in the world of sports and business is a great thing. Personal competition is not. No one of any value should ever feel that they have to compete for your time or your love.

That's it. Some shared lessons of a very long week. This weekend I will be back to live blogging and an exciting update with school!

Happy Friday--let your life speak.

2012-01-12T09:49:00.002-05:00

Today.

Has He Not?

2012-01-10T09:33:00.003-05:00

Back To School----Day 2

2012-01-08T22:07:00.003-05:00

Word to describe the second day back to school was, energizing. The degree I am pursuing---the DNP or Doctorate of Nursing Practice is about bringing to life, evidence based practice in the clinical setting. One of the next steps in this semester is determining what project I want to research as my Capstone project. I have a few in mind--the use of checklists to improve patient safety or does implementation of staff peer review improve clinical outcomes of patients? Hmmmmm...much to ponder on....

I am so glad I started this journey. Remind me of that won't you, 6 months from now? :)

First Day Of School

2012-01-08T06:39:00.001-05:00

First day of school was in one word, exciting. There are about 20 in the class for the executive track and about 25 in the Advanced Practice. All with varied experience and a desire to use that experience in a higher degree. I ended the day, excited for the challenge of it all and grateful for the choir of supportive friends around me (thank you especially Mary B for your perfect timing text message on my drive down to Norfolk).

What else did I do besides class? I went into the bookstore--every new student needs a new college shirt, right? I went down to the ever-so-close to campus beach to make sure the ocean was still there. I called Mom and Dad to make sure they knew what there daughter was doing. And I met new friends and caught up with a few olds ones. And I looked at future.

Dreams? Making them come true.

The Fun Of One

2012-01-06T06:26:00.001-05:00

This sweet little girl turns one in two weeks.

Her mom and my daughter is having a "snowflake" party to celebrate this first milestone. Last night the package waiting for me on my step was the antique snowflake teacup I found. She can someday sip afternoon tea with her mom and sisters when she is 5 or 10 and 25 years. She might look at the gold snowflakes on the cup and remember that her special mom had a snowflake birthday party for her when she was one.

And this sweet hat? Every one year old girl needs one. :)

Almost Here!

2012-01-04T20:54:00.001-05:00

I started to get organized...I packed my book bag sometime Monday afternoon. It stands by my front door ready to go. Yes, school starts this weekend...an 18 month journey that I don't know exactly what will hold but I am really, really excited to start. "Why?" some have asked. Because I can learn. I can listen to people so much smarter than me. I can read about the very subject I am so passionate about. Clinical practice. While medicine focuses on the diagnosis and treatment, the practice of nursing focuses on the human response to the disease, illness or change in health. Translated, we get the good stuff to work on.

I already know at least two in my class so first day of school, the introduce yourself time and "who are you"'s should go smoothly. :)

And I can't wait for the group project!!

Twenty Nine Years Ago

2012-01-03T21:53:00.002-05:00

Twenty nine years ago, I was wheeled into a labor and delivery unit and three hours later, held my first son. A boy that would some day be the middle child and an older brother. Nine pounds, six oz, he came into the world a little after one in the afternoon, seemingly born with sweet contentment. With a small cry to wake up his lungs, an Apgar x2 of 9 and wrapped in a receiving blanket, he was handed to me to hold for the very first time, with eyes bright.

He has been my positivity child. The one who has loved life with enthusiasm and gusto. He has never met a challenge he couldn't or didn't want to take on. Always faces the day with a perspective that things work out. He doesn't know worry. He never met anyone that wasn't his friend. He is wired to rally the troops. He looks people in the eye. He believes in the goodness of people. He dislikes injustice. He fights for the underdog.

A man, but still somehow today, for the moment of this memory, still my little boy.

Happy 29th Birthday Mike!

Truly Madly Deeply

2012-01-03T19:56:00.003-05:00

This morning as I traveled I listened to XM radio. I went for the 70's songs, for a change. For the rest of the day I hummed and couldn't get out of my mind Truly, Madly, Deeply by Savage Garden. I know it was a bit maddening to those listening around me.

Between standing with you on the mountain humming, I submitted the insurance claim for the diamond stud earring that went missing from my ear. I never, ever, ever lose jewelry, That's what insurance is for, the nice man said.

2012 has been awesome so far. :)

Truly Madly Deeply

Keeping Tradition

2012-01-02T15:48:00.002-05:00

The pictures above were taken at my grandparent's house, around their dining room table. The occasion was Christmas dinner and also my grandfather's birthday (Mom's Dad). Many, many meals and celebrations were around that table and many, many memories are stored within my head from those special times together. Today, that dining room table and chairs lives with me. That beautiful woman in the red dress above is the same as the one below who sits close to my side opening presents Christmas morning.

And this is the dining room table and chairs today- ready for Christmas dinner in 2011. This past summer I looked at houses for sale around a small lake in Virginia. Not a one had a dining room--lake houses have a more open floor plan the Realtor told me. This didn't allow for a dining room. I told her of the sentimental dining room set that I have...she said it would take awhile but eventually I would get used to the new floor plan and the dining room set could be in storage. Not a chance. ~~Living in a house with a lake view~~ is no longer on the option list.

"What is sentimental is not written on paper, for paper can be erased. Nor is it etched on stone, for stone can be broken. But it is inscribed on a heart and there it shall remain forever."

Joy!!

2012-01-02T12:15:00.000-05:00

I love this picture.

What I see when I look at, is a girl who climbed a steep hill. She arrived at the top with all of her thoughts and challenges when a shout from heaven interrupted her thoughts and got her attention. The commanding voice said "JOY!".

Not a voice of option but rather spoken with command. What did she do? She obeyed. She stood on top of the mountain, raised both her arms and hands and chose joy.

Go confidently in the direction of your dreams.

Live the life you have imagined.

Henry David Thoreau

A New Year

2012-01-01T09:40:00.001-05:00

The ball dropped. Confetti tossed. Champagne popped. Noisemakers heard.

First day of the year. Clean slate. Letting go of what stays in 2011. Plans ahead. Reservations to make. Friends to catch up with. Family to be with. New friends to meet.

Things to accomplish. Places to see. Promises to make. Forgiveness to give. Forgiveness to ask for. Commitments to cherish. Moments to celebrate. Days to get through.

2012, oh, I have put so much promise in you.

2012!

2011-12-31T23:37:00.000-05:00

No Resolutions For Me

2011-12-30T09:31:00.001-05:00

I don't know about you, but New Year's Resolutions don't really work for me. They are meant with good intent--go to the gym more, eat more vegetables, be a better person...but really, after a week or two I am thinking, what was my resolution? Which did I finally agree to make as mine?

So this year, with the ending of 2011 and all of it's memories, the good, bad, drama, heartache and joy, I am making a list of what I am or wanting to look forward to in 2012. This coming year, I am excited for....

1. To see a second son and final child marry their best friend in the beautiful month of June.
2. Selling a house full of memories but moving on to rebuild another one.
3. Starting school in the first week of this new year knowing that at the end of the calendar for 2012, I will only have one semester to go.
4. Singing happy birthday to a fifth grandchild who will turn one!
5. Spending more time with my Mom and Dad (yes Mom, I meant it) to make sure their lives are everything they want and need to be.
6. Entertaining more. My house hasn't had enough friends or laughter in it. I am looking forward to that changing in a new house in 2012.
7. Exceeding expectations in my work life and remembering the lessons of work life balance.
8. Growing my faith to see myself through the eyes of a loving God and not my own vision that is skewed
9. Making a few new friends and cherishing those who been there no matter what.
10. Being joyful.

Put your resolutions aside...look ahead at all that might be before you this year. What are you looking forward to?

From this simple blogger to you, Happy New Year, welcome to 2012.

"Be grateful for everything that you have....there may be a day when it is what you now only had".

A Girl In The Inn

2011-12-28T21:09:00.004-05:00

This afternoon I had the privilege of just being home. Didn't head to work after taking the exam all morning. I started to take down, put away, re-box the 2011 Christmas decorations and pondered some of the Christmas memories of this year.

I was taken to New York City and experienced the city at the most beautiful time of the year and had an amazing adventure that I won't ever forget. I went to the Christmas Show at the Kennedy Center --able to experience the annual tradition of dinner at Old Ebbits and then the show with the presence of Mom and Dad.

Watched grandkids open up Christmas presents. I was able to hear a grandson "gasp" at the first sight of every present he opened. I was really, really blessed to have so much given to me--not just in gifts but in the gift of being "present" to hear, and see and touch others as they enjoyed the spirit of Christmas.

As I wrapped up the nativity from my mantel, I thought about what Jesus's birth looked like for those who were staying in the Inn that night. The Inn that held no room when Mary needed a place to give birth. Did any in the Inn that night, hear the story, see the star, see Shepherds walking across the field and offer to give up their room for the Savior born this night? Wouldn't it be a different perspective on Christmas if the Bible account told of those that were staying in the Inn left the comfort of their room to offer it to Mary and Joseph and their new baby?

This year as I begin to ponder New Year's Resolution, one came to mind. I want to be the kind of person who would always give up her room.

Have some resolution's you are thinking about?

Crossing it Off

2011-12-28T15:14:00.000-05:00

One of the things on that oh so boring Bucket List is taking the American College of Healthcare Executives Board of Governors Exam. A couple of months ago I noticed I had a coupon to take the exam for free--it would have cost me $200. "Why not take it?" I thought. Well, give me an option to take or not take a test and I will tell you at least ten reasons why it wouldn't be a good idea.

10. I don't have time to sit for the 6 hour exam.

9. Fear of failing.

8. I really don't have time to study.

7. I already have stress in my life--why add more?

6. Nancy, give up over-achieving, you are getting old.

5. Have I mentioned fear of failing?

4. Making a total idiot of myself

3. Fear of failing.

2. Fear of failing.

1. Fear of failing.

So, very early this morning, I drove my car into the parking lot of the Testing Center with 10 reasons dancing in my head of why this wasn't a good idea. Two picture IDs, emptying of all pockets, handbag in a locker, going through a metal detector and there I sat at a cubicle looking at a computer screen on the verge of hyperventilating. WHAT WAS I THINKING??

Almost 5 hours later, I hit "END" and after what seemed like a day and a half of staring at a computer screen, my score showed up with a "Congratulations you have successfully passed the exam." I almost shouted out loud. Oh my gosh, I did it!!

I gathered my IDs and two number two pencils and went back to the desk to check out. The oh so young but kind man printed out my results to notarize it and he told me, "Congratulations". I grinned.

I was scared. I thought I would fail. I was afraid of looking like an idiot.

2011 Bucket List

6. ~~Take and pass the ACHE exam.~~

Some Holiday Moments

2011-12-27T19:54:00.003-05:00

They are my sunshine.

When skies are gray.

The Birthday girl was spoiled all day.

"To MomMom, I love you. I can't wait to see you. I am glad for you. Love Jacob."

I so love the line "I am glad for you."

Happiest of Birthday's to me.

And a new robe from the west coast!

And on this, my birthday I was reminded of how loved I am.

And this sweet girl? One of five!

What greater thing is there for human souls than to feel that they are joined for life - to be with each other in silent unspeakable memories.

George Eliot

2011-12-24T16:04:00.001-05:00

Thanks be to God for his indescribable gift.
2 Corinthians 9:15

Don't judge a book by it's cover....

2011-12-24T07:28:00.000-05:00

I love recipe pictures...they draw you in to think that you can make or create something totally amazing. So the snowflake cookies picture I posted with the blog recipe yesterday, after being made in my kitchen really looks like this......

While not as pretty as the picture that came with the recipe, they really are yum. The neighbors I think will love them.

Merry Christmas Eve.

Let's Make Some Cookies....

2011-12-23T16:55:00.000-05:00

Ingredients

4 cups sifted all-purpose flour
1 teaspoon baking powder
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 cup (2 sticks) unsalted butter, room temperature
2 cups granulated sugar
2 large eggs
2 teaspoons pure vanilla extract
Directions
Sift flour, baking powder, and salt into a bowl.
Put butter and sugar in the bowl of an electric mixer fitted with the paddle attachment. Mix on medium speed until pale and fluffy. Mix in eggs and vanilla. Reduce speed to low. Gradually mix in flour mixture. Divide dough in half; flatten each half into a disk. Wrap each in plastic. Refrigerate until firm, at least 1 hour or overnight.
Preheat oven to 325 degrees with racks in upper and lower thirds. Let one disk of dough stand at room temperature just until soft enough to roll, about 10 minutes. Roll out dough between two pieces of plastic wrap to 1/4 inch thick. Remove top layer of plastic wrap. Cut out cookies with a 4-inch one-piece-shaped cookie cutter. To make an ornament, cut out a hole from the center of the neck about 1/4-inch from the edge using a straw. Transfer cookie dough on plastic wrap to a baking sheet. Transfer baking sheet to freezer, freeze until very firm, about 15 minutes. Remove baking sheet from freezer and transfer shapes to baking sheets lined with nonstick baking mats. Roll out scraps, and repeat. Repeat with remaining disk of dough.
4. Bake, switching positions of sheets and rotating halfway through, until edges turn golden, 15 to 18 minutes. Let cool on sheets on wire racks.
Icing
1 pound powdered sugar
5 tablespoons meringue powder
1/3 cup plus one teaspoon water
few drops almond extract (optional)

Mix these together until smooth. It is going to be pretty thick, so add one additional teaspoon of water at a time. You want it to still be fairly thick to start, so go easy with the water. The icing should be smooth and fluid but still hold a firm peak. Meaning that if you pull a spoon out of the icing you have a nice stiff point left behind that doesn't sink back into the icing.

A Time For Everything

2011-12-22T06:17:00.001-05:00

His eyes were closed as my life passed by his own. Shoulders bent too weary to stand up tall. His heart felt old from worried days and darkest nights. I joined his spot and sat to wait. A story needed to be told. A heart needed to be heard.

Through time of days he shared the winding journey of regrets in life. Some bad choices he said, a few. But in all of what was hard, the heart fought to stay the same. He wanted to stay true. True to those who counted on him. True to promises made. True to the plan he thought was his to be.

Where do you go when the life you planned is no longer in front of you, his words came together to say. How do you see any joy in days ahead when your heart doesn't know how or where to begin again?

For a time I left that spot to walk away, too weary was my heart. What purpose do I bring in this? What hope can I afford? I can not fix or make it right, so unwilling to let go. His family, friends I thought do more, they know the life he's had. Would they know I am a friend of his? Could we share to make him strong? Some do not know he softly said. They would not understand.

I returned one day to still find him there, some distance in his eyes. Some time gone by, some distance made. Are things different in your life? "Some" he said with whispered hope but still no joy he sees. But thank you for the listening. Thank you for your help to me.

I do believe, he needs to find, the things that bring him peace. Days of hope are his to own and God, each broken piece. To hope, to pray, to listen, a time for faith to come. A day a night, some place to start, to bring joy within his heart.

There is a time for everything,

and a season for every activity under the heavens:

a time to be born and a time to die,

a time to plant and a time to uproot,

a time to kill and a time to heal,

a time to tear down and a time to build,

a time to weep and a time to laugh,

a time to mourn and a time to dance,

a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,

a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,

a time to search and a time to give up,

a time to keep and a time to throw away,

a time to tear and a time to mend,

a time to be silent and a time to speak,

a time to love and a time to hate,

a time for war and a time for peace.

Ecclesiastes 3

The Gift

2011-12-20T19:30:00.001-05:00

The night the shepherds saw the star,

A sign of hope, of peace afar.

A sign, a babe, born as they heard,

they hurried there, with little word.

A baby found, in barnyard hay

a humble place, the Savior lay.

A Savior born! O Angels Sing!

For humble Shepherds and great Kings

What can we do, or can we say

to deserve the love, born this day?

Deserve we not, nor can we do

Work, or give or "be good" too.

The manger gift is for us free

Believe, accept,

for you and me.

nwl

In the Bleak Midwinter

2011-12-19T22:18:00.001-05:00

All Around Me

2011-12-18T10:59:00.003-05:00

At Christmas we crave to have what is familiar around us. The pattern of our days fall to what we have known. Favorite recipes that remind us of what mom cooked. Christmas Carols that bring us back to a place, a time or a voice where we heard them sung.

A favorite part of my Christmas this season is having my grandparents Christmas ornaments to put on my tree. The ornaments you see on the tree as I sit with my sister and my grandmother or the ornaments seen in the background of our family picture below are the very same as the ones on my tree today.

The ornaments I hung carefully this year have been touched by three generations in Christmas yesterdays.

This Christmas, I cherish even more the traditions of the generations hung carefully on my tree.

What are your traditions?

Whatever else be lost among the years, Let us keep Christmas still a shining thing: Whatever doubts assail us, or what fears, Let us hold close one day, remembering Its poignant meaning for the hearts of men. Let us get back our childlike faith again.
Grace Noll Crowell

Christmas Past

2011-12-17T16:39:00.000-05:00

During some moments of this holiday season, I am wedged between the melancholy of Christmas past and the joy of what Christmas present and future is. This morning, I looked at pictures of my Christmas past--Christmas from my childhood. So fun the memories.

Each year we set up the trains in the room off the kitchen. The engine puffed out real smoke and the caboose a bright red. I could knock it off the track too easily and most years was banned from coming close to it. Little sisters are meant to derail trains. It's what we do well.

Sisters should always have matching pajamas Christmas Eve. We did. I loved it. My sister? Not so much. Do you see the glimpse of the snow man's red scarf behind us? He is the one I have blogged about. He now hangs at my own fireplace.

Hanging our Christmas stockings for the camera. Do you see where he is --- the "Merry Christmas" frosty the snow man? Here he is below as he looks today--45 years or so later.

Christmas morning with the flurry of wrapping paper being tossed in the air and four Wick kids around the base of a tinsel-laden tree. The Christmas morning below, I have a band aide on my chin where I, on Christmas Eve tipped backwards in the rocking chair (trying to knock the trains off the track). My brother, already dressed for the day might be afraid the neighbor-chick might be stopping by..... :)

There is pure delight when you get a Barbie AND her case for Christmas.

No Christmas is complete without a new robe that your father makes you try on to get a picture. Priceless.

Skating in the street Christmas Day with my brother Steve.

What are your memories of Christmas past?

One Favorite Christmas Memory

2011-12-04T21:21:00.001-05:00

Every Christmas Eve--no matter how old my three kids grew, they all slept together, in the same room, on Christmas Eve. Unlike this well constructed tent in the picture above, "their tent" consisted of a dozen blankets draped and tied to door knobs and bed posts. Pillows positioned strategically underneath the walls of the tent so all three heads were able to see the door and be the first to get up and wait patiently on the stairs while Christmas tree lights were turned on and coffee started.

With the belief of Santa still lingering, and once finally asleep, I would shake sleigh bells at the top of the stairs, down the hall from the room where they slept in their "tent". One year I tracked fishing boots through the ashes from the fireplace and made boot prints across the family room rug. In the morning, Dan, the youngest, pointed the boot prints out to his sister with childlike awe on his face and belief that Santa really, really, must have walked across the family room floor. His almost five year older sister exclaimed that Santa must really exist because Mom wouldn't ever let his dirty boots on the rug. On some Christmas', I would throw a present or two on the roof, having them land right outside the chimney as if they must have fallen right out of his over stuffed sack. The kids would see the gifts on the roof sometime that Christmas day and it was so fun for this Mom to see their fingers pointing at the roof and the look of wonder on those precious faces.

As December days come and go this Christmas season, I find myself pulling from my heart these memories and holding them with such sentiment in my heart. And while the "belief" in Santa was part of the season, the real reason for the season was sharing our faith in a baby born, in a manger. Born for each of us.

"For unto us a child is born, unto us a son is given" and the government shall be upon his shoulder: and his name shall be called Wonderful, Counsellor, The mighty God, The Everlasting Father, The Prince of Peace."

Isaiah 9:6

Three Years And Counting

2011-11-30T21:13:00.001-05:00

Today marks my work third year anniversary. When I started in 2008, I was given the title of Chief Nursing Officer of a hospital not yet built, tasked with the responsibility of clinical operations and quality. On my first day the "hospital" consisted only of steel beams and posts and a lot of men and women walking around in hard hats. No IV pumps beeping or heart rhythms beating across a monitor. No patients or nurses at bedsides. Nothing was "hospital familiar" in those early days. A hospital as we know them today, had not yet come to life.

How do you help start a brand new hospital as a CNO? What have I learned in these three years? What after three years can I celebrate?

My Dad raised me to live a life that is always a half inch from being totally comfortable. Translated that means don't let your days be filled with the same problems that you have heard over and over where you aren't solving anything new. Don't allow yourself to get bored. Keep challenged. Check. Check. Check. Starting up a new hospital covered this advice from Dad completely. I haven't been bored ---not one single day.

On December 1, 2008, I was the fifth employee to join the team. The CEO, COO, CFO and an Executive Assistant came before me by a few months or weeks. To get the hospital open we needed to hire about 400. The starting team of employees had to wear many hats (including hard hats!) to help get the hospital opened. Everyone chipped in to do anything needed to make sure on day one of opening, we were able to care for patients as well as the best of the best.The hospital building itself turned out to be a beautiful place but without the people to fill the halls and Departments and take special care of our patients, that is all it is--a building. Working day to day with such amazing caregivers has been a tremendous privilege to me.

In June 2010, the hospital opened its doors for the first time. Everything became a first--first surgery, first baby born, first ER visit, first admission, first discharge home. The day of opening day ribbon cutting, The Joint Commission showed up for there unannounced initial "first" survey. Does it get better than that? It looking back, it doesn't. I have been so fortunate to be part of the "first" team.

Today, with three years of legacy, there is much to celebrate. Our patient satisfaction runs first in Division of 16 other hospitals that we are grouped with and 4th in the company where there are a total of 164 other hospitals. Our quality outcomes are consistently strong. Competent and trained caregivers who work every day to do the right thing equals making a difference to our patients. I'm proud to work along side all of that talent..

I am asked often if given all I know today, would I do it all again? Maybe but it could never replace the experience of these past three years. I have loved the journey.

If Only In My Dreams

2011-11-29T20:46:00.001-05:00

Bring In The Holly

2011-11-27T18:19:00.001-05:00

I don't usually decorate this early and with it being 70 degrees in Virginia this afternoon, it was hard to feel any Christmas in the air. But then....I heard the words to this song....

"Haul out the holly......Put up the tree before my spirit falls again...Fill up the stocking,

I may be rushing things, but deck the halls again now

For we need a little Christmas...Right this very minute...Candles in the window...Carols at the spinet

Yes, we need a little Christmas...Right this very minute...

It hasn't snowed a single flurry

But Santa, dear, we're in a hurry

So climb down the chimney....Turn on the brightest string of light I've ever seen....

Slice up the fruitcake

It's time we hung some tinsel on that evergreen bough

For I've grown a little leaner...Grown a little colder...Grown a little sadder...Grown a little older

And I need a little angel...Sitting on my shoulder

Need a little Christmas now!

And so....it's beginning to look a little like Christmas at my house. :)

I am in love with boxwood greenery this year. I bought a plain wreath at Home Depot this afternoon and then wove some ribbon through it to hang it above the fireplace.

Christmas isn't Christmas without some Carolers to sing.

I put into place the reason for the season.

My Mom made this over 40 years ago. I am sure I blogged about it last year but I LOVE this little Frosty. Dad cut out the wooden shape on the basement table saw, Mom covered it with felt and glitter and bells. A treasured snowman came to life. Now with a few less pom-poms, and some glitter long gone, I still love that it has been part of my Christmas's almost my whole life.

A stairway draped in some fresh boxwood garland. So simple and so full of Christmas.

So much elfin' fun!

2011-11-26T21:21:00.001-05:00

Hope on hope on hope.

It's time for Christmas.

Thankfulness

2011-11-24T22:04:00.001-05:00

Today, Thanksgiving. A day of thanks-giving. Giving thanks for what we have and what we hope for. What we know and what is yet to be. For family and friends, for jobs and the things of life around us.

With all this talk of thankfulness, what does gratitude really look like? Perhaps different for each of us...but for me, a life lived in gratitude might look like this:

Happy Thanks--giving Everyone.

Mom

2011-11-20T19:34:00.001-05:00

Tonight my Mom gave me this card. No real reason, she just wanted me to have it. She handed it to me as I slipped into their kitchen putting some oyster stew that I made for my Dad in the refrigerator. I opened the envelope by the front door while Mom and Dad discussed whether a coat was necessary on this warm November day.

The words of a card quickly found their way to my heart.

I love you Mom.

More.

Hold Tight The Key

2011-11-19T19:33:00.001-05:00

Forgotten dreams

bygone days

are locked within the heart.

Hold tight the key.

I've Got A Dream

2011-11-18T20:16:00.001-05:00

This morning, before I left for work, I pulled out the package from grad school and started pulling together the long list of documents required before I show up on campus in January. The more I read through the pages of instructions, the more excited I started to feel at the thought of returning back to school. New books. New discussions. New knowledge. New friends.

The feeling of excitement was the same in 2003 when I returned to school for my Masters. It was a busy time in my life--working full time, seeing a son through his last year in high school, another son in his second year in college, being part of the birth of a first granddaughter and then taking a full class load of full time classes. All part of a goal or dream to cross off the item on my bucket list ~~"Get My Masters in Healthcare Administration".~~

Class of 2005- Virginia Commonwealth University

Masters Healthcare Administration

It wasn't easy and there was sacrifice--I had to say "no" to spur of the moment and even well thought out "great ideas" because I had to write a paper or study for an exam. I had to stay super-organized every minute of my life so I didn't live in reactive mode, assignment to assignment. Vacation pictures of me on the beach show a book in my hand and a yellow highlighter nearby. I lived by daily check lists and a calendar in front of me. I wasn't the most fun to be around at that time BUT....my good friends and family stood by me. They knew I needed to get through two years of crazy to achieve a goal that I could be proud of the rest of my life. Unfortunately, some friends I had at that time didn't survive the challenge of those days. They were annoyed at my lack of freedom and some belittled my dream with comments "You don't really have to do this" or "Why would you want to study so hard anyway?" Did they do it on purpose or to be mean? I really don't think so. I think they just wanted the old Nancy back and because they didn't share the same kind of dreams, they didn't understand why my dreams were that important to me.

And now, fast forward to now. My children grown. Four more grandchildren have entered my heart. I still work full time and in January will start full time back to school for my Doctorate. My days will return to daily lists and more organized schedules. Days on the beach will have a text book near by and highlighters this year might come in my Christmas stocking. My good friends and family around me know the drill, they've seen the bucket list. They cheer me on in my dreams. If some in my life don't share the excitement? It's more than okay. Life's too short to slow down knocking out your bucket list of dreams. To be everything you can is obedience. It's honoring the God who made you. Get going!!

So 'cited....have anyone seen my highlighter?

2011-11-18T06:21:00.001-05:00

In this season, on this day. So much to be grateful for.

I've Landed

2011-11-14T17:37:00.001-05:00

In the summer after 8th grade, my best friend who lived next door, delivered the bad news that her Dad was being transferred to Switzerland, and she was going to have to move right after the last day of school. A couple weeks after the news that only caused us to stay stuck-like-glue during the last month we had, came an invitation from her Mom and Dad for me to come spend a few weeks of the summer in their new house, on a hill, surrounded by vineyards, across the big pond in Geneva Switzerland. I couldn't wait and my Mom and Dad let their vacation go that year in order that I could pack up my things, and fly away to visit the best friend that had to move away.

Off I went on a flight by myself and after three weeks of much-too-much-fun, I boarded an airplane to come back home and 8 hours later taxied in to the very crowded international wing at Kennedy. I had no clue where to go or what I needed to do but found myself following the crowd past the stern face of Customs into the sea of people waiting for their loved ones on the incoming flights. These were the days before cell phones or text messages and I had no idea where or how to find my parents who would be there to meet me. While I don't remember much about that day, what I do remember was the vision of my Dad standing at the ropes that separated those coming off the flights from those waiting to find them. I saw him first and watched his eyes that seemed lost going face to face trying to find his daughter that he let fly alone across the ocean. "DAD!" I called out. His eyes met mine and relief filled his face and I was quite certain it would be a long time before he let me back on a plane let alone out of our small town.

I thought of that memory today as I descended into Washington DC from LAX and as the plane touched down, cell phones were reached for and text messages sent, phone calls made, all with one message. "I am here, I have landed safely". Even the bad-ass man (sorry) next to me with his jeans falling down and his chains around his neck and the piercing in places that caused my own lips to hurt, reached for his cell phone and made a call and said "Hi Mom, I landed. I can't wait to see you." There is something about landing after a flight and needing someone you love to know you arrived. As we taxied to the terminal today, I held my phone and watched as people stared at theirs all waiting for the returned call or text: "I am so glad you are safe."

Gone are the days when we can watch the plane pull up to the gate and run up to hug them as they step out of the jetway like we did before 9/11 but the need to tell someone right after the wheels touch down, "I landed" hasn't changed.

I've landed. Welcome home.

2011-11-11T09:50:00.001-05:00

If God went to all the trouble of setting in evolutionary

motion a remarkable world,

what sort of ungrateful creature doesn't enjoy it?

The early Christian theologian Saint Irenaeus once said,

"The glory of God is the human person fully alive."

I look around at the astonishing beauty of the world,

the sheer blessing and gratuity of being alive.

Who am I not to enjoy it?

It does begin to feel like a commandment:

"Thou shall enjoy thy life."

"Comfort," Brett Hoover

Weekend of Play

2011-11-07T22:52:00.002-05:00

Love, love, love, love, love,
(G,J,A,E,E)

grandkids.

Depth of Life

2011-11-07T22:40:00.002-05:00

This is true joy in life, the being used up for a purpose recognized by yourself as a mighty one; the being a force of nature instead of a feverish, selfish little clod of ailments and grievances complaining that the world will not devote itself to making you happy.

— George Bernard Shaw

Help Me To Be

2011-11-06T20:01:00.001-05:00

I think we have all heard stories of human strength when we think to ourselves "There isn't any way I could do that." Stories of strength. Stories of character. Stories of faith.

Stories like this where a friend was on a road in Kenya when she met a refugee from Zimbabwe. He was thin and gaunt. He said he hadn't eaten for three days. My friend offered him the rest of her sandwich that she had already taken a bite out of. Hungry, without food for days, the refugee looked at her with gratitude and said, not wanting to take too much, "We can share it,".

Help me to not just be the friend who can share when I am full. Help me to be the friend that is hungry that can accept help with a grateful heart. Who can have enough character to not want it all. To give back with the spirit that was given to me.

Help me to be.

The Week Ahead

2011-11-06T18:19:00.000-05:00

This day has been full of chores and cooking for an evening meeting tomorrow and in between enjoying all things outside my kitchen window by taking a long walk on this perfect fall day.

And sometime between cleaning out attic boxes, a long brisk walk, and stirring a simmering pot of chicken-tortilla soup, the daylight savings afternoon light started to fade and I looked at my calendar for the week.

Monday: a busy day that includes an evening meeting and this afternoon decided to make dinner and bring it in for the team.

Tuesday: an early morning start. Leave early from work. Hockey game and then home to pack.

Wednesday morning: Board the plane. A trip to the west coast finally here. (A few months back, the day I was supposed to board, the earth had other plans by needing to shake at a 5.2 magnitude and then, when that wasn't enough, it followed up 6 days later with a hurricane.) I chose that week to sit tight.

Wednesday afternoon through the start of next week: share the life of my son and his Karen on the same coast. It is there I can.....meet and become friends with their first dog, see and visit with them in the house they have made a home. See the ocean and walk the same beach found at the end of their road. Listen to the stories of their work, their friends, their neighbors. Meet those that share their life. And over dinner and chilled wine, hear the excitement of their wedding plans. A wedding that will come mid-2012. A son will promise to love his new wife.

In years before I might just see this as a busy week. Not now. My "sight" has been changed by a journey through change that has taught perspective. Perspective that life moments should be viewed as if cherished photographs. Words spoken, listened to. Lives around us, not taken for granted for can they not disappear from us? Laughter felt right through, to the other side of a soul.

Chicken Tortilla Soup

Ingredients

1 onion, chopped
1 (16 ounce) can chili beans
1 (15 ounce) can black beans
1 (15 ounce) can whole kernel corn, drained
1 (8 ounce) can tomato sauce
1 (12 fluid ounce) can or bottle beer
2 (10 ounce) cans diced tomatoes with green chilies, undrained
1 (1.25 ounce) package taco seasoning
3 whole skinless, boneless chicken breasts
shredded Cheddar cheese (optional)
sour cream (optional)
crushed tortilla chips (optional)

Directions

Place the onion, chili beans, black beans, corn, tomato sauce, beer, and diced tomatoes in a slow cooker. Add taco seasoning, and stir to blend. Lay chicken breasts on top of the mixture, pressing down slightly until just covered by the other ingredients. Set slow cooker for low heat, cover, and cook for 5 hours.
Remove chicken breasts from the soup, and allow to cool long enough to be handled. Stir the shredded chicken back into the soup, and continue cooking for 2 hours. Serve topped with shredded Cheddar cheese, a dollop of sour cream, and crushed tortilla chips, if desired.

2011-11-05T11:46:00.001-04:00

This morning I watched and listened to the chatter that comes when being surrounded by grandchildren who love the excitement of a mom-mom in the house. I heard stories of Halloween, what they are reading, the excitement coming with Christmas and I marveled at watching how quickly they have figured out my ipad when it has taken me weeks to do the same thing. They are at the beginning with so much ahead of them.

This week I received a card in the mail that read "What choices would you make in your life if you knew you would not fail?" Hmmm...I started to think....

What if we only saw the world through the eyes of a grandmother who only sees in the little lives around me such amazing potential? Even more, what if we as adults could see ourselves through the eyes and heart of the one who created us?

What, then, shall we say in response to this? If God is for us, who can be against us?

Romans 8:31

2011-11-02T05:51:00.000-04:00

Come Ye Thankful People Come

2011-10-31T20:27:00.005-04:00

Tomorrow starts November. The month where early mornings need slippers and nights need an extra blanket or two. The month where we think about all that surrounds us, all that softens our heart, the things that cause a heart to be grateful.

While it's still early in the month, and we have a few weeks to go until it's officially Thanksgiving, my heart is begging to start early. And so, begin now I will with the making of a thanksgiving tree. A simple handmade tree in the corner of my room where during the month of November I will hang tags of what or who stirs up such gratitude within me. The nurse who I watched hold the hand of the elderly man so he wouldn't be alone. The physician who sat by the bedside of a patient who was scared of dying, "I won't leave you tonight." The person at work who let me know I could conquer an insurmountable challenge by leaving me a note "I believe in you". The friend whose heart has been broken, the friend who will lose her son this year, the friend who has shared her faith with me and encouraged me with her joy. My parents who faithfully remain my biggest fan, for three kids and those that love and share their lives, for healthy grand-daughters who call themselves "mom-mom's girls" and a grandson who is thoughtful beyond his 5 years. For a brother in Alaska whose life I look up to and a brother in New York whose life keeps me in awe. For a sister I no longer know but will always be the little girl who shared my room and who heard my goodnight prayers. For courage when afraid, for comfort when lonely. For life that brings each day, another chance to get it right. For unwavering hope.

This month? An attitude of gratitude.

2011-10-26T06:19:00.000-04:00

"Imagine that you lived at the same time as Abraham Lincoln. What would you say to him or ask him?" "I'd tell him not to to go a play ever."

2011-10-25T06:56:00.001-04:00

I'm available.

“.....we can do small things with great love.”
Mother Teresa

Big Deal

2011-10-24T21:25:00.002-04:00

Sometimes it's easier for the heart to feel things in the way that you think it should when you write out everything it is keeping within. When you try to make sense of life through words. I think that's why I started this blog so I could throw up words on a computer screen and let my heart out. Let it step outside it's monotonous regularity and flutter, and skip and sometimes pause in it's beat for a very long time. So long, I feared it wouldn't ever re-start some days.

With writing I am able to pour out what, through the maze of my days, what doesn't make sense, or what strikes my heart, or what gives me joy or steals my peace. The very bad thing about throwing up my heart on my blog is those that read it wonder what is going on or who I am writing about. I can only respond to that by saying it's my blog and a Dragnet disclaimer comes with every bloggable sentence.

"The story you are about to hear is true; only the names have been changed to protect the innocent” or as in the case of Shadow of the Steeple, "The blog you are about to read is true; only the names have been changed to protect the innocent".

With that disclaimer out there, I write that my heart tonight is in retreat mode. The events of my days have made me aware of what is precious. That precious things should be guarded and protected. Set apart. Not taken for granted or tarnished with words that don't matter. When they are not, they are like any other rubble, any other stone, any other piece of every replaceable thing. And they become lost.

“Do not think that love in order to be genuine has to be extraordinary.

What we need is to love and be kind without getting tired.

Be faithful in small things because it is in them that your strength lies.”

Mother Teresa

No Place Like Home

2011-10-24T20:10:00.000-04:00

Home from a honeymoon where they witnessed riots in Rome and cars on fire in Greece. While they sailed off the coast of Turkey, a 7.2 earthquake shook the ground. At 0230 they were awakened to fighter jets flying outside of their ship's balcony. They turned on the tv and learned Gadhafi had been killed.

Wow. I am thinking that the rest of the marriage should be smooth sailing!

"Did you have a great time, are you glad you went there?" I asked. "It was the very best of time", said my son "I love America even more Mom."

Meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee too!!!!!

That Kind Of Friend

2011-10-23T18:12:00.005-04:00

"Your friend is your needs answered.

He is your field which you sow with love and reap with thanksgiving.

And he is your board and your fireside.

First you come to him with your hunger, and you seek him for peace."

Khalil Gibran

Embellished

2011-10-21T18:06:00.002-04:00

As a child, you could say I embellished the stubbed toe. The limp far exceeded the injury and for the moment until my cover was blown, I bathed in the attention and sympathy that occurred because of the gimp.

I thought of that when I ran across these great band-aids. Can you imagine the empathy one might get if the band-aide said "SHARK BITE" or "NINJA FIGHT"? That would have so helped my "I can't do the chores... or....I sure need attention..." efforts.

Kids sure are lucky today.

Better than I love you

2011-10-19T21:20:00.000-04:00

Sam wakes up early at home with a huge headache. He forces himself to open his eyes and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins and a glass of water on the side table. He sits down and see his clothing in front of him all clean and pressed. He looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotless, clean. So was the rest of the house. He takes the aspirins, and notices a note on the table "Honey, breakfast is warm on the stove. I had to leave early to get to work. Love you."

So he goes to the kitchen and sure enough there is a hot breakfast and a folded newspaper. His son is also at the table eating. Sam asks, "Son, what happened last night?"

His son says "Well, you came home way too late from time out with your friends. You had too much to drink, broke the door, puked in the hallway and gave yourself a black eye when you stumbled on the stairs."

Confused, Sam asks "So, why is everything in order and so clean and breakfast is on the table waiting for me? I don't deserve that from Mom."

His son replied, "Oh, that! Mom helped pick you up, dragged you to your room and when she tried to help you undress you said "Lady, leave me alone, I'm married!"

2011-10-17T22:24:00.000-04:00

Random

2011-10-16T21:03:00.001-04:00

Focus

2011-10-16T19:27:00.000-04:00

I don't know what your trick is for getting things done but I am constantly writing, checking off, and working off a list. It keeps me organized and gives me focus. Regardless of how long my to-do list is, as long as there are lists with ~~lines drawn through them~~, I have a sense of purpose or accomplishment.

A book I am reading takes those lists to a new level. Living a life that is disciplined, has focus, has goals to accomplish. Like a navy seal or an olympic runner whose focus takes them where others only dream on. So the words of this book have challenged me to kick it up a notch, drive a more disciplined focus. Not that I am going to hold my breath under water for 6 minutes while I swim under explosive mines or jump over a vault while spinning in air and landing on my feet BUT, I do want to live a life that is not just celebrated in it's length but in it's depth as well.

What does a disciplined life look like? It's a life that has goals that start with "I will..... I will commit...I will demonstrate....I will be...." . As an example, I know I need to work on asking for help...I try way to hard to do everything myself and then pretend it was easy. I know I need to better "rise above" (my Mom used to always tell me this) when my own frustration gets in my way. I know I spend a lot of hours in the world of work and have been accused of being a workaholic. So I have challenged myself to work on a few things...to drive a healthier approach to my much too independent streak, to hold-in-check a frustrated heart and mouth, to work on a balance--the work hard, play hard kind of balance.

What I Will Not Do

2011-10-13T22:23:00.002-04:00

My Top Ten List Of Things I Will Not Do

1. Look back at regret

2. Accept a life that settles

3. Live the length of my life but not the depth

4. Live by drama

5. Go one day without remembering what I am grateful for

6. Give up on what is important to me

7. Reminisce on what is ridiculous

8. Give effort to what doesn't matter

9. Live a life without goals

10. Be cranky for more than one half of one day

How Important It Is

2011-10-10T22:02:00.000-04:00

How important it is to do things right in life. How important it is to make sure we surround ourselves with people who will help us do things right, help us make wise choices, help us keep our focus on what counts. Help us focus on what matters. Bring out the best in us not challenge us in our worst. See our possibilities and turn their head on our limitations. Challenge our circumstances not challenge our hearts.

Life's Balance

2011-10-09T11:00:00.000-04:00

I'm back. It was an amazing seven days shared with family and friends and watching a much loved son start a life with a beautiful wife.

The week was full of making memories. It was sharing time with family who on a normal day runs in a million directions. But this week a million directions wasn't allowed. This week, everyone was settled in one place, in front of one ocean, walking on one beach, laughing at the same jokes heard at the same time, figuring out the same grand-child told riddles and putting pieces in the same jigsaw puzzle.

It's now the week that was and I am left with a heart and head full of memories that need to shift gears and start back to the world of finding balance. Balance that makes sure life's days end at sunset complete with work and whatever the opposite of what work is. Serious and joy. Scheduled minutes and time reserved for just letting time go.

“What comes first, the compass or the clock?

Before one can truly manage time (the clock), it is important to know where you are going, what your priorities and goals are, in which direction you are headed (the compass). Where you are headed is more important than how fast you are going. Rather than always focusing on what’s urgent, learn to focus on what is really important."

Unknown

Closed

2011-09-30T22:36:00.003-04:00

Shadow of the Steeple

will re-open next week.

In the meantime....

I will be walking on sand

and listening to sea.

Sunrises and sunsets

quiet times for just me.

Having wine on a deck

overlooking a dune.

Listening to stories of a brother

Under stars and sliver moon.

Feel the closeness of sons

a daughter within reach;

Giggling grandkids, a grandson

time to fish on the beach.

At the end of the week,

a son takes a wife

To honor, to cherish,

to start this new life.

Sounds Of Silence

2011-09-29T21:22:00.000-04:00

No words

just crickets.

The Little Things

2011-09-28T06:11:00.001-04:00

Work has been as busy as it's been since the first weeks of opening. Hours for everyone on the team are long with our early morning starts creeping into the darkness of night. Yesterday, in the midst of the busyness, a gift bag was handed to me with this shirt inside.

Each of the nursing Departments have been designing their own specialty specific shirts to wear with their scrubs. This shirt from the Med/Surg/Oncology unit, was designed by the staff and yesterday they included me in their unit design--a shirt for just me.

An out of the blue act of kindness that touched my heart all day. Grateful.

It Is

2011-09-26T23:11:00.002-04:00

Let Your Heart's Action Speak

2011-09-25T20:15:00.001-04:00

Belittling can come in many different ways. Traditionally, we think belittling has to be loud, poking holes in someone's dreams, speaking or acting in such a way that it makes a person feel less than they should and less than everything they could be. Sometimes it's more subtle.

Belittling can be something as simple as just being thoughtless. Thinking more of the "you" than someone else. It can be how you spend your time where you put your thoughts and how you speak. It's how others see and describe you. It's how you have made others feel.

If you are in leadership, those that you lead can feel belittled when you don't "feed" the other side--the heart side. When you don't recognize the extra effort, the little things that make a nursing unit great. What are the little things that say great things? A thank you note in your handwriting, a moment while making rounds to say "I saw you do a great job", "You made a difference today", "I am so glad you work here".

Sometimes we just assume people know what we are thinking or what are actions mean to say. Every ended relationship, every employee that leaves a job, every silent phone call says otherwise.

Let your heart speak. Be that kind of boss. Be that kind of friend.

In Less Than Two Weeks...A Groom

2011-09-24T11:06:00.002-04:00

You were standing there between awesome and bombdiggity when you were still four and didn't yet need to go to the bus stop when your brother and sister went to school.

You were more cautious then my other two. Until you could assess the whole situation of waves and rolling sea, it was just as fun for you to "ride" the waves from the beach.

God gave you an older brother to be a best friend and now to be your best man.

You have loved your family.

We have loved you back.

Very much.

My oldest and youngest. The older sister who watched over you, still prays for you and thinks the world of the man you are.

It's less than two weeks until you will own the title of "Groom".

We are so excited to

share this day

with

you.

Get In The Game

2011-09-23T22:36:00.003-04:00

Like this ball on the wrong side of the chalk line, life isn't always fair. But it's life. The life God has planned for me or for you.

Whether we like it or not, what we do when the ball goes foul defines who we are...how strong we are, how much we allow God to be strong within us. And it's not easy to want to swing again or look at the faces at those who were wanting us to only hit home runs. It's not easy to have strength to be asked to run the bases or get back in the game. It is sometimes easier to only relive the hit that made the ball go foul. To blame the pitcher. To blame the ump. To blame ourselves and stay on the bench wanting to never get back in the game.

But God doesn't want us re-living the same game when life went outside the line and our ball went foul. We are not victims of circumstances but lead in all circumstances by a God in control of every aspect of our days and our nights. Nothing passes or is thrown into our life that He isn't aware of. Nothing. Even when we do something wrong. Even when we have tried to do everything right. Even when we fall way short and only know disappointment.

Our life, like the game, doesn't wait for us to stop kicking the chalk line and re-living the pitch. Our days go on. How do we choose to live them? How do we show gratitude for second chances?

Things could be worse.

Suppose your errors were counted and published every day, like those of a baseball player.

Author Unknown

So You Know

2011-09-23T20:53:00.000-04:00

Wordless Wednesday

2011-09-21T20:49:00.001-04:00

At The Bottom Of The Well

2011-09-21T05:21:00.000-04:00

Isaiah 30:18

Yet the Lord longs to be gracious to you;

therefore he will rise up to show you compassion.

For the LORD is a God of justice.

Blessed are all who wait for him.

Hold on. Don't let go. Wait. He will. He longs.

Accountability

2011-09-20T17:30:00.001-04:00

On June second of this year, Armando Galarraga, a pitcher for the Detroit Tigers, was one out from pitching a perfect game; something rare in major league baseball. On the last out, the first base umpire Jim Joyce ruled the runner safe, putting an end to Galarraga’s quest for a perfect game. Joyce believed he made the right call until he saw the replay for himself after the game; the replays showed the runner was clearly out and that Galarraga should have been given credit for a perfect game. Joyce, the umpire, immediately went to the 28-year-old pitcher from Venezuela after the game and apologized for getting the call wrong.

Backup and rewind.... the umpire went and apologized for getting the call wrong. He didn't make any excuses. He was accountable for making a bad call.

In return, perhaps equally as hard, Galarraga turned around and forgave him for blowing a call that cost him something he may never ever do in his career again; throw a perfect game. “He probably feels worse than me,” Galarraga said. “Nobody’s perfect."

Accountability has been in so many of my discussions this week. There could be a million reasons and excuses why things didn't get done or why someone acts the way they do. In the end, it doesn't matter the excuses if we want to live to a standard. If we want to live with order. If we don't want to settle.

Accountability: Own it.

The Heart Of A Servant

2011-09-19T21:47:00.004-04:00

After a snap-back-to-reality Monday after vacation, I am ready to ~~walk, crawl, do handstands~~...anyway I can to get back to the beach. This saying "Remembering I'm the Servant....not the Source", I wrote tonight on a picture that I took one early morning last week at the beach that tonight, I want to return to. It's a good thought to close my eyes to on this less than spectacular day.

I am to have a heart of a servant in the place where God placed me. I can not fix what is broken in my own strength. I am in someways powerless to what I can't control. I have no strength over the wind that hits my sails or the seas that are rough in the days of storm. I am not the Source. The Source that controls the days and night, the tides and the winds. The one whose hand causes the sun to rise up in the east and fall down from the western sky at night. The Source that gave His life for me so I could live knowing He is in control of all things. Not me. Even the rough days.

One with the heart of a servant....she can sleep well. God (the Source) has promised to stay awake.

Groom To Be

2011-09-18T20:01:00.002-04:00

This afternoon I saw my son after I attended a beautiful shower for his bride to be. As we talked in the kitchen, I remembered he needed to see the centerpieces for the rehearsal dinner that his sister and I bought while we were at the beach last week. As I pulled one of the centerpieces out of the shopping bag, I watched him give me the "I'm-not-really-interested-or -paying-attention" nod of his head and a quick "uh-huh" as if trying to tell me "I don't want to see anymore and I am sure they are perfect."

I couldn't help but look at him, smile, and see the man before me and the boy that used to do the same thing so many years ago.

So tonight,

and probably for several more times before the BIG day,

there ~~needs~~ has to be some blog flashbacks of the boy that was.

Which will follow in the three weeks to the very happy groom that will be.

Life is so good.

Genetic Switch

2011-09-17T22:00:00.001-04:00

This week while on vacation on the beach I heard from the lips of my daughter:

"I think I am turning into my MOTHER."
(spoken with a tone of oh, wretched curses of fate!!)

I could only smile.

I did too about your age.

I remember it kind of hit me all of a sudden. All of those things that used to annoy, you begin to do as if some genetic code flips a switch and you start using the same expressions or laughing the same or finding the mirror has some similar traits.

And so my daughter,

prepare to

find yourself

dancing and or singing in the kitchen as your grandmother and I did too.

Prepare to have loud hiccups.

A spontaneous laugh two days after the joke was heard.

To find and open all presents prior to Christmas morning.

To start saying "Hot Spit!"

To competitively love college football

and

holidays with a table full of family, friends and a few strangers.

As I watched you this week, you are definitely showing

a few tendencies, a few signs.

So proud to call you my daughter.

"Hot Spit!!"

It's How She Rolls

2011-09-15T21:10:00.000-04:00

"Your crocs are on backwards" says a now noticing Mom-mom.

"I know, it's how I like it." says my three year old grand-daughter as she looks down at her feet.

"Doesn't it make your feet feel funny?" asks Mom-mom

"No, my feet really like it." says this sweet girl

Rewind the tape 25 years to a conversation I had with her Mom at this little one's age.

Twenty five years ago the shoes would have been changed
to the right feet and it might not have mattered so much that her
feet "really like it".
But now,
25 years later.
what matters is
perspective
and wisdom
and choosing the must do's with the it would be nice's.
I am glad the feet have any shoes on them at all
and
there is joy knowing
she is happy that her feet are happy.

Love being a mom-mom.

By The Sea

2011-09-15T20:52:00.002-04:00

Sand in my swimsuit,
Sand in my hair,
When I go to the beach
Sand gets everywhere!

I wonder, I wonder,
Oh, how can there be
Sand left at the beach
When there's so much on me?

Helen H. Moore

The Next Generation

2011-09-12T21:33:00.001-04:00

As a little girl, I walked miles and miles every summer on the beach with my grandmother. As we walked she taught me so many things. She taught me what a sandpiper was. What a shell called a "fisherman's toe nail" looked like. She told me that one day I would find a treasure on the beach.

Today, 45 years later, I walked along the shore with my seven year old grand-daughter. We saw sandpipers. We picked up shells called "fisherman's toe nails". I told her stories about my walks on the beach with my grandmother. She took my hand as we walked and I felt my grandmother was right. I found my treasure on the beach. A so sweet seven year old treasure.

2011-09-12T13:44:00.003-04:00

A girl without freckles

like

night

without

stars.

2011-09-11T22:03:00.000-04:00

Hold my hand

by the sea

Walk with me

along the sand

Help me hear

the ocean's song

Come play with me

my friend.

Own It

2011-09-07T22:22:00.001-04:00

I could read his mind. It's what he was thinking. Yep, that's true, I thought. It's my fault.

But what we do when we let people down? When the flaws limit all we can be?
It's self reflection time.
I don't know about you, but when faced with conflict that involves my flaws (please tell me you have some too...),
I can think of a million ways to stubbornly support the wrong of me.
What I really need to do is take the white napkin off my lap and wave it over my head in sweet surrender. And then reach down deep to see how and where there is courage to change.

Thank you for friends who when they need to, have the ability to see with a different lens.
Who help view what matters and help us brush away the nonsense stuff as we pick ourselves up.
Who believe we are more than the sum of our flaws. Who won't let our hearts settle for less than the most we could be. Who forget themselves while helping us. Who remind in loving ways that the God who brought us to this day, has a plan far beyond what we can see or feel in the moment when we have let them down. Who forgive.

Goodbye

2011-09-07T21:52:00.000-04:00

Good-bye Summer

and

good-bye pool

good-bye frogs

good-bye crickets

good-bye porch

good-bye flowers

good-bye warm nights

good-bye to what was.

and

Hello now coming Fall

with colored leaves

and

cooler nights

and

hello son and his new wife

and

college football

to watch in a new house

hello new perspective

hello new days.

Welcome new days of Fall.

Rocket Man

2011-08-29T22:00:00.001-04:00

Like this little guy being propelled by his "rocket", I too am dreaming and dreaming big. Today I was accepted into a Doctorate program--no, not in research like a PhD ( I would go crazy) but rather a DNP--a Doctorate of Nursing Practice. It's about studying what we do at the bedside where nursing leadership should begin. It's about being able to teach the next generation of Registered Nurses when I want to lay to rest my role as Chief Nursing Officer.

In some ways I feel like this little boy with a fake rocket on my back. Graduate with a Doctorate?? Get through a long dissertation? Teach?? What if the rocket doesn't really work? What if someone tells me it's only a box? What if it's too big a dream? I wouldn't have the courage to tell this sweet little boy that. I know he would tell me how great dreaming big really is.

I have been told that life isn't meant to be watched from the sidelines. So I am choosing not to. Hard work is supposed to go some where. So I am working hard to get to that "where". The rocket is strapped on. Ready to run.

What a wonderful life.

In The Shadow of The Steeple

Our Gifts

Love Never Dies

Yes, You Can

The Heart Of Beauty

Wednesday

My Valentines

And Then There Are Six

Super Bowl Recipe- Seven Layer Nacho Dip

Directions

The Brush Of Our Artist

Valentines Sticky Buns - Recipe #2

Ingredients

Directions

Closer Than A Brother

Valentine's Recipe #1

INGREDIENTS

Oh The Days Of Our Life

BEE-U-TI-FUL!

Standing Ovation

Get Your EI On

DIY Afternoon

Sunday--Catching Up

Blog Ahead

Has He Not?

Back To School----Day 2

First Day Of School

The Fun Of One

Almost Here!

Twenty Nine Years Ago

Truly Madly Deeply

Keeping Tradition

Joy!!

A New Year

2012!

No Resolutions For Me

A Girl In The Inn

Crossing it Off

Some Holiday Moments

Don't judge a book by it's cover....

Let's Make Some Cookies....

Ingredients

A Time For Everything

The Gift

In the Bleak Midwinter

All Around Me

Christmas Past

One Favorite Christmas Memory

Three Years And Counting

If Only In My Dreams

Bring In The Holly

Thankfulness

Mom

Hold Tight The Key

I've Got A Dream

I've Landed

Weekend of Play

Depth of Life

Help Me To Be

The Week Ahead

Ingredients

Directions

Come Ye Thankful People Come

hind·sight

Big Deal

"The story you are about to hear is true; only the names have been changed to protect the innocent” or as in the case of Shadow of the Steeple, "The blog you are about to read is true; only the names have been changed to protect the innocent".

No Place Like Home

That Kind Of Friend

Embellished

Better than I love you

Random

Focus

What I Will Not Do

How Important It Is

Life's Balance

Closed

Sounds Of Silence

The Little Things

It Is

Let Your Heart's Action Speak